(via loveyourchaos)
If you're happy, you're not paying attention.
womanic depressive
i finally have an audience to ignore me.
Alec F. Rivera
Tumblr Staff
Musings from the brink
Following:
It's simple like a mountain is simple.i finally have an audience to ignore me.
Alec F. Rivera
Tumblr Staff
Musings from the brink
most of my family
Forgot my birthday.
It’s not a big deal, I guess. But for whatever reason, it felt like a big deal. I’m the one that sends out the big fat mass emails to everyone reminding people of birthdays and to wish people etc. So why couldn’t they remember mine?
And no, I don’t do it because I want birthday wishes back. I just know how terribly awful it is to feel like nobody remembered you. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on a stranger, so of course I’d send out the mass emails to family members.
Okay, it’s painfully lonely, actually.Anyway, my mom felt bad about this and proceeded to tell my aunts and cousins that they forgot. Which made them feel bad, which made me feel bad and so yesterday my day was full of combinations of the following phrases:
“Oh, it’s okay…”
“No, it’s not a big deal.”
“Really, I’m old now. I’m not a kid… it’s fine”
“Oh, you know, people are busy, I understand that”
“Well, thanks for remembering”
Whatever. There are bigger problems to have I guess.
My birthday pretty much sucked. I celebrated with friends the day before. So I thought I would go out with my family on the actual day. But my dad was a workaholic as usual, and my mom was sick. Not their fault, I guess. But I hate being depressed, and I hate being depressed on my birthday even more.
It just made me wish I didn’t save the day for them. I could have hung out with my friends instead.
I got to watch the Office and 30 Rock though. So that’s something.
the difference
The difference between Oct 22nd, and Jan 1st, is that on Jan 1st, everyone shares in this collective what-the-hell-have-i-done-with-my-life depression and i-can-change-it-with-a-new-resolution resolve.
Unfortunately, on Oct 22nd, I go through the depression alone.
Birthdays should be outlawed. How nice would it be if we could just acknowledge our age by year alone? That way, nobody would go through the depressing recount of their wretched life alone. We could all drink half a bottle of gin on Jan 1st and collectively grieve.
